Today has been an unhappy day. My blood sugar’s been really low, and I had my first experience with reactive hypoglycemia - it wasn’t pretty. At least I know why I’m so upset today, and don’t have to worry that I’ve suddenly become manic or something. But yes. The littlest thing is setting me off - I cried for an hour over fanfic.
And I’ve been neurotic over school, too. I’m just so tired. I’m tired of going going going and never accomplishing anything. I’m tired of never seeing any gains for my efforts. I’m tired of feeling like I’m stupid and useless. I’m tired of not being able to see the graduation light at the end of the academia tunnel, and I’m afraid of getting squished by the you-didn’t-get-into-grad-school-train. And. Then what is there for jobs in this field? If I don’t get a research grant etc., will I be happy doing mundane shit that has nothing to do with my degree?
And this is why medicine/nursing/pharmacology was always so appealing. Because I knew that there’d be something there for me, some tangible result for my years of school. But I fucked that up, so really, I have nobody to blame here but me.
I’m just so tired.